Where Am I Going?

Blog Update #19

We’re nearly through one third of the year! What the hell! It’s been a hectic start, a lot of highs and a lot of lows. I’ve participated in 8 ultramarathons, finishing 7, winning 2, finishing top 10 in all of them with the exception of 1 and DNF’ing 1, and I’ve also swum my first official 10km Open Water Swimming marathon. Amongst all that I’ve had to organise logistics for all these races, have had to adapt to other events being cancelled or postponed due to COVID-19 or natural disasters, have had to deal with never ending injuries, niggles and sicknesses, all whilst trying to earn some sort of income and dealing with some self inflicted personal issues which have made my question my own values and what kind of person I am. Let me be clear I’m not complaining and am not saying I live a hard life, theres billions of people out there in tougher situations that are actually forced upon them, I am privileged don’t let me convince you otherwise. However with that being said its been an awesome but exhausting 4 months. Coming off a chest infection and recovery from The Alpine Challenge (100 miler) last week this is the first week were I’ve been able to step back and evaluate. Theres a few things I’ve learnt, first thing. I pushed my body a little too far, I’ve experienced a lot of fatigue, injuries over the past month and got sick last week (I haven’t been sick for years and years). This in combination with my discipline and motivation uncharacteristically dropping has made it clear I’ve pushed the body a little too far, and it wasn’t quite adapted to deal with the level of stress I was putting on it. However that doesn’t mean I can’t get there. Second thing, our values are not what we think or say they are, our values are established via our actions. I’ve made a few personal mistakes this year and went against what I thought were my values I thought I held too dearly, this was upsetting and I was/am hugely disappointed in myself. However that doesn’t mean I can’t work on them, and I’ve learnt a lot from these mistakes. So can implement the lessons I’ve learnt from the mistakes to prevent future issues arising. Third thing, the trail/ultra running community is awesome, I’ve met some amazing people who have both inspired me and made me laugh and smile. Such a happy, great bunch of people, I’ve always felt like a lost soul with no people who I share a connection with, so its been nice to be amongst such incredible people. Fourth thing, it’s time I start to try and figure out what career path Im going to try and pursue. I’ve got no interests besides fitness, mountaineering, endurance challenges and trying to help others remove self imposed limits, as a result I have no idea what I want to do for my career. If I want to climb Mount Everest, or head over to England to swim the English Channel or fly over to America to run in Badwater 135 or Hardrock 100 I need money. And having no education besides my Year 12 (High School Qualification) doesn’t give me much job opportunities that pay well. I’m currently labouring and delivering real-estate pamphlets and hate it, and I’m not earning much. So this leads me to the title, where am I going? Currently I don’t know, all I know is I have endurance challenges I want to take on, maybe I may have an answer in my next update, or maybe not.