October the 12th, 2019.
To be 100% honest I’m exhausted, it’s taking me an hour and 1-2 cups of coffee to feel some form of energy. I’m getting 7-8 hours sleep most nights the most I’ve had for years and yet I feel worse. Most days, most of the time I’m not feeling great, I just feel flat, not happy, not sad, not excited just anxious and flat. The worst part is the irritability, for no good reason I get angry with people inside my head, at least I recognise it and keep in my head. But this just get’s me angry with myself, a constant battle in my mind. Outside my head though everything’s going pretty well I’ve got a good amount of money coming in via delivering real estate brochures and labouring work, the Joker movie was amazing, I’ve got two trail ultra marathons I’m looking forward to, I’ve got my first IRONMAN 70.3 i’m looking forward to, a potential third seven summit of Mount Kosciuszko coming up and Aconcagua is only three and half months away. I’ve also got back into my serious training regime after recovering from my first 100km ultra marathon 3 weeks ago. I’ve been really thinking about what I want in life and where I want to be and honestly its just depressing. I don’t want to live the 9-5 work life, I want something more but the sad truth is, this is what life is. I’m struggling to grow up and accept reality, I’m constantly torn between with what I want and what is realistic. This is all part of life I guess, we all have our ups and downs and I think it’s my turn for a down. All we can do is go with the flow, do the best we can and see where it takes us.