Keeping It Honest


This week I wasted $1000, how and why you might ask, let me explain. I’m constantly trying to keep my blog positive, trying to inspire and motivate. I post all these successful, wonderful experiences. As a result it may come across that I’ve got everything figured out and it’s all sunshine and rainbows. This is not the case, I have my weaknesses and flaws and I’m always questioning and doubting myself.

This week I was supposed to attend a 4 day mountaineering and ice climbing course at Blue Lake, NSW. For months now I’ve been excited and stoked to start the course and meet the guide and individuals, it would have been an invaluable experience. I had already paid and was set to go but as you can probably tell it’s not happening now. Due to a combo of my training regime, workload, the trips I’ve already participated in this year and the stress I’ve been putting on myself in regards to this blog and trying to organise and fund future expeditions (all stresses I’ve put on myself), I’ve burnt myself out and have got too much work that needs doing. Maybe it’s just because I’m just mentally weak, for this I cannot answer. All I know is I wasted $1000 and pulled put of an invaluable experience. The thought of driving 7 hours for the course filled my head with anxiety and stress, the thought of leaving the family again made me feel homesick, I’d accepted too much real estate drops that needed delivering (via walking), and the thought of delivering them in time left me shaking (literally). I’m also sick, sore and fatigued, Monday night I came home from work shaking from the stress, all self induced. So now I’ve dropped out of the course, does this make me weak? How am I supposed be capable of climbing Mount Everest in the future if I can’t even suck this up and just go do the course? How mentally strong am I really? Am I a facade? What am I even doing with my life? No career, no future, these are all thoughts that are running through my head. And that’s why I feel I should post about this. My social media may portray me as this unstoppable force who succeeds and knows what he’s doing, this is not the case at all. I may always seem calm and kind, well my parents will tell you different. We all have different sides and I’m no different.

7 thoughts on “Keeping It Honest

  1. Tom. Your being honest with your issues and some you bring on yourself with anxiety i get that i have a mild form of that too but other issues don’t make you weak you are stronger than most out there and do you want to know why? well it’s purely my opinion but every has this EGO which is their own portrayal of what they want everyone to believe they are and they project this EGO force, and it can be quite powerful, out to the world and why? because they are really scared that everyone out there wont accept them if they are more honest and real. People in my books are not strong by hiding behind a false impression they have created and strong person is someone that can show everyone, what people that are ego driven will call weaknesses, your flaws or cracks and if knocked down try to get better and get back up. Granted many don’t get up and by no means are those in my eyes weak individuals they maybe don’t have the capacity to see the benefit of moving on and letting go of negative thoughts and actions. We live in a face paced look at me society. And it is a very hard place to stay grounded when all everyone sees is beautiful people living party lifestyles but in reality these are photos and they are most likely ( not all ) very unhappy and need acceptance more than they might realise. You are not failing you can take time we all need family friends and the all important breather by yourself. Deep breaths Tom. Seriously you’ve taken alot on and taking alittle longer is not the end of the world. You know what a human told me once “ why are you stressing? Let me ask you this. Is what your working yourself up into a frenzy going to be important in 5 years time? If not then stop worrying” I heard an 88 year old rodeo rider from Australia today ( oldest living cowboy in the world ) say on 3 AW “ if ya break ya arm get it fixed and stop whinging about it, go out find love if ya heart gets broken go back out and find love again” him talking gor ten minutes was amazing everything was so positive and we live in the greatest country on the earth ! inspirational. Like you mate. take a deep breath. What do us Aussies say ‘ SHE’LL BE RIGHT MATE ‘ ( such an old saying but true. And if not find people to talk about it and help you release some of the negative thinking with good listeners

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    1. Love this Steve, our egos are powerful parts of ourselves. Your 💯 right too, we all get stuck in our own little worlds and if something goes wrong we feel as if that little world is crashing when in reality we just need to open our eyes and see the worlds much bigger than our own and that the stress were feeling is rarely that important! Thank mate

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  2. I totally agree. Have a look at the positives. Remember these. I have started “the Five Minute Journal” to help me remember the things I experience daily. The little things that are amazing and for which I am grateful. Try it. And realise that we grow to learn about ourselves and we must channel our thoughts into accepting that we are good. Someone told me recently, that I must acknowledge my inner voices. Acknowledge the negative but let them know they are not needed now, you are safe, and think about your positive voice and let that stand up.
    Tom. Have you asked the people who were running the course if they would allow you to transfer your attendance to a future course? I would hope that they would be empathetic, as in hospitality if we have someone who can’t come to stay, we usually allow them to defer. If high season it may not be full rate. But have you asked?
    Finally. We all love you. You are amazing. You will find your path and passion, and inspire others. XXX

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  3. Good morning Tom! My advice is don’t give your weakness too much strength!
    We all have the capacity to be strong and to be weak. Sometimes strength applied in the wrong place is a weakness which can break. Be kind to yourself and spend more time trying to understand everyone else than you do trying to work yourself out, you will still be doing that when you are in your twilight years! Best to find ways to allow laughter and light into your life – these will help keep you strong.
    I am one of your greatest fans – you are amazing. All my love BJ xxx

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    1. Thank you for the advice, support and love Bryony. Always happy to receive advice from wiser, more experienced people like yourself. Wishing you the best!

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  4. Hey Tom,
    You write so well and so honestly, it’s a little confronting if I am honest, not in a bad way, you make me think.
    I don’t know whether to worry about you or not. You seem so vulnerable and yet strong at the same time. You are an impressive young man being able to speak so frankly about your feelings.

    Anyway, please don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You are having a crack. You are working hard and setting goals. Not all goals are achieved or even achievable. The achievement isn’t what it’s about anyway. The important thing is to set goals and start on the journey. You are trying to push yourself to do this and that, which is cool, but, try to cut yourself some slack.

    You are young and have so much to do and try, so just enjoy it for what it is, experience. Experiences are just learning opportunities. You know me, I have stuffed up and failed so many times, but, I still feel that these experiences have enabled me to lead a fulfilling life nonetheless.
    As for being a ‘facade’, well, I think we all put on a brave face whilst feeling vulnerable inside. So, facades are a natural part of life. If you are feeling low and lacking in confidence inside I don’t think putting that on your ‘facade’ going to help. I just makes those around you feel uncomfortable. Facades are helpful at times to help you over come the tough situations and times. Maybe this is where the phrase ‘Grin and bear it’ must come from. We are all living and learning. How you feel about yourself and the persona you project with regard to your career, your finances, your personal relationships will all evolve over time and influences those around you.

    So, keep smiling, you have a great smile btw, and enjoy the ride!

    Jonathan

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    1. Thanks Jonathan, so many good points I’ll try to take on board. A lot of knowledgeable, insightful points you make, it’s great, helps me to broaden my perspective. Wishing you the best!

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