This week I wasted $1000, how and why you might ask, let me explain. I’m constantly trying to keep my blog positive, trying to inspire and motivate. I post all these successful, wonderful experiences. As a result it may come across that I’ve got everything figured out and it’s all sunshine and rainbows. This is not the case, I have my weaknesses and flaws and I’m always questioning and doubting myself.
This week I was supposed to attend a 4 day mountaineering and ice climbing course at Blue Lake, NSW. For months now I’ve been excited and stoked to start the course and meet the guide and individuals, it would have been an invaluable experience. I had already paid and was set to go but as you can probably tell it’s not happening now. Due to a combo of my training regime, workload, the trips I’ve already participated in this year and the stress I’ve been putting on myself in regards to this blog and trying to organise and fund future expeditions (all stresses I’ve put on myself), I’ve burnt myself out and have got too much work that needs doing. Maybe it’s just because I’m just mentally weak, for this I cannot answer. All I know is I wasted $1000 and pulled put of an invaluable experience. The thought of driving 7 hours for the course filled my head with anxiety and stress, the thought of leaving the family again made me feel homesick, I’d accepted too much real estate drops that needed delivering (via walking), and the thought of delivering them in time left me shaking (literally). I’m also sick, sore and fatigued, Monday night I came home from work shaking from the stress, all self induced. So now I’ve dropped out of the course, does this make me weak? How am I supposed be capable of climbing Mount Everest in the future if I can’t even suck this up and just go do the course? How mentally strong am I really? Am I a facade? What am I even doing with my life? No career, no future, these are all thoughts that are running through my head. And that’s why I feel I should post about this. My social media may portray me as this unstoppable force who succeeds and knows what he’s doing, this is not the case at all. I may always seem calm and kind, well my parents will tell you different. We all have different sides and I’m no different.